Break Time

The company I work for occupies three floors in the building. On one of the floors, there's a locker room. That means there are four different male restroom options for me - which is important for my "Number Two" activities (which I'm self-conscious about). If I didn't think it was unhealthy, I'd try to hold it in until I was at home. But, since that just seems bad for my system, I always make sure to get to the toilet when nature is-a-callin.

I NEVER use the sixth floor bathroom because there's a high-volume of traffic. That's where all our Software Engineers and QA folks are. Too many dudes - I would never risk using their stalls.

On the other hand, the fourth floor (with the locker room) has been vacated for several months. The company plans on subleasing the space but that hasn't happened yet. You'd think that would be my number one "number two" option since there should be zero-low level of traffic. Wrong... on several occasions, I've tried using either restrooms on that floor. More often than not, I walk in to find someone's in there, pants draped around ankles. I always seem to get beat to these hot spots. Why must my master plan be spoiled?

When I need to go, I just use my first option bathroom - the one on the fifth floor. This location is very close to my office making it easily accessible with a low-medium level of traffic. That's the benefit of working on the floor with more females than males. But, the other day, I walked in and two people were having an impromptu discussion near the sink. I thought, "Blasted peoples!!! Why must you have a conversation in here???" Since I really needed to unload my...ummm... load, I joked, "Wow - nice place to have a meeting" as I walked slowly to the urinal, faking like I was simply going to pee, and even gesturing like I was unzipping. The two kept jabbering away as they exited. Once I heard the sound of the door completely closed, I made a quick b-line to "my second office" (the big handicapped stalls out of the two). Victory was mine!!!

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I have no idea why I always use the handicap stalls in public restrooms. Though there's no need for a large of space to do my do, I feel comfortable with all that leg room. Not like I'm stretching out my legs or anything.

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I'm not sure which makes me more self conscious - the odor or the sound. Well... that's actually easy. The sounds of the explosion out of me and into the water can be so embarrassing! Especially the irregular episodes. Ugh... sometimes flushing flushing doesn't cover up those blasts! That's why I'm glad for ventilation systems - they can cover up the sound and are very helpful for the toilet's next guest.

I guess I could follow the tip of one of my friends. He said, "Just line the surface of the toilet water with toilet tissue before you go. That way, when you crap, the poop won't make a sound as it lands on the toilet paper." Yeaaaaah, right. That's why he always clogged it up! No thanks...