Joke Time

A couple of funnies today came my way via email today:

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest dick of all your friends."

Okay, that one's okay. This one's funny...

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask,
but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just
about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I
would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to
be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and
I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
party.'