Harassed during harassment training

I'm taking a company course on my corporate company's "Vision and Values". It's a bit dry and I'm falling asleep in my office. Coke break. The training reminded me of a course on the topic of harassment back in 2005. We had a guy from headquarters in Texas fly out to conduct the training. He was a big wig - been with the company for over 20 years. Friends with our CEO. But, man, what an event! I was reminiscing about the experience with a couple of coworkers and one of them said, "It was like a scene straight out of The Office." True. Very true.

After the whole thing went down, I sent an email to corporate about the whole incident. I wanted to confidentially provide feedback. But confidential? Yikes. Not so much. Below are the emails that were exchanged...


From: Me
Sent: Monday, June 13, 2005 1:25 PM
To: HR Training & Education
Subject: 06/06/2005 Policy Against Harassment - Seattle, WA

The Policy against Harassment training is a very important class for ALL employees to attend. I believe the material covered was thorough and the presentation of this material was clear and presented in a manner that everyone understood what was covered. I shared the enthusiasm of the instructor and recognized that he understood the seriousness of this topic.

However, I felt that the presenter’s opinions and examples bordered on inappropriate. For example:

1.In my class, he asked a female if he could use her as an example of physical contact which may be perceived inappropriate from a third person. In this example, he commented on her shirt saying it was nice. He then ran his fingers against the material on her shoulder to demonstrate that, though he was simply admiring the fabric of the material, someone from the outside could find this contact inappropriate in the workplace (not knowing the reasoning behind this contact). I had no problem with this. However, I wasn’t sure if he was done with his example or if he was still playing a role when he said, “Oh, that turns me on” or something to that affect. That comment seemed inappropriate, example or no example.

2.The presenter also made the comment that, on a personal level, he loves women and that his wife knows that he loves women. With that in mind, he likes to look but would never act upon it (or something to that affect). I felt that this comment was inappropriate as well. I feel that a presenter of harassment (and specifically sexual harassment) should not be sending a message that it’s okay to ogle over women. Instead, I believe that, as an instructor, he should have the professionalism to keep these type of opinions to himself because such comments can be misread saying it’s okay to ogle over the opposite sex. I feel that such behavior is inappropriate and, in itself, a form of harassment

3.I also feel that the presenter should have a better understanding of politically correct terms in reference and what is considered inappropriate. It is my understanding that the term “Oriental” is one that is offensive to Asian Americans. But, during the class, in making reference to Asian Americans, he stated, “…or Orientals as some of them like to be called.” I feel that such a statement is incorrect and that he should have a better understanding of such classifications before using these them.

4.Through a couple of people in another class, I heard that there was a story about his being part Asian – though he doesn’t look like someone who is stereotypically “Asian”. Since the instructor is part Indonesian (thus, being part Asian), he shared that his wife calls him “Chink” – a derogatory reference to Chinese/Chinese Americans (though he isn’t Chinese). He then proceeded to say that this was okay because she was part Native American and that the class could imagine what kind of names he could call her. My friend thought that he would leave the story as is but proceeded to say that he affectionately referred to her as “blanket head” – a derogatory reference to Native Americans. But he said that this name calling was okay because it was just between them. I found this story to be very offensive and inappropriate. I also found it interesting that this story was told in a class in which no one of Asian or Asian American descent. This, again, was according to my friend.

Overall, people in my class and other classes felt that some of the personal opinions/stories shared were inappropriate. One felt that some of these comments were made purposely in order to get “a rise” out of people to possibly spark comment. I think for the most part, people did not choose to participate. They simply wanted to complete the course. As a supporter of such education, I feel that our instructor needs to be a bit more sensitive and concentrate on getting people in the class more involved versus telling these type of stories. Maybe add scenarios/role-playing to the class? I’m not sure if that would be appropriate – but I do feel that the class should be tweaked a bit. Thanks for reading my comments…

So... that was that. I thought I might get a response thanking me for the response. But, instead, the trainer actually wrote me back!

From: Trainer
Sent: Tuesday, June 14, 2005 5:39 AM
To: Me
Subject: Training Critique

I just returned from my trip to Active Voice and was given a copy of your critique. Since you provided me with the courtesy of providing your name and contact information in your critique I believe you are owed a response.

First of all thank you for taking the time to let me know what your thoughts, perceptions, recommendations and feelings are about the training and the way it was delivered. I truly do appreciate your comments and am very sorry that I offended you or anyone else during the training.

All of your comments provide me with food for thought about how I can modify my presentation in better ways and I will do so accordingly.

Again please accept my personal apology for any discomfort you or any other student felt because of anything that I said or did during the training.

Sincerely,
Trainer

Are you friggin kiddin' me? They sent him the message? Just 'cause my email contained my name didn't mean I wanted it shared with MY name!!! I guess I didn't specify a request for anonymity - but, I just assumed... you know. Ugh. I felt my message was appropriate - but I didn't feel the need to be identified. So then I respond back...

From: Me
Sent: Tuesday, June 14, 2005 12:49 PM
To: Trainer
Subject: RE: Training Critique

Thank you very much for your reply… although an apology was not necessary. I simply felt that it was my duty to give you constructive feedback for comments which I felt (in my mind) to be inappropriate. Just as you taught us in class, it is all about a person’s perception. In my case, certain comments were inappropriate in MY opinion. However, I think you are a great asset to NEC. Your enthusiasm and passion addressed the seriousness of the topic and I applaud you for that. Keep up the great work. I hope my feedback does not take away from what you’re doing. That is not my intent… Thanks again for coming to Active Voice to train us. Everyone found the training sessions to be very helpful!

There. Done. Ugh. Felt stupid. I wouldn't have cowered in my response but felt I needed to be cordial in order to be politically correct. I don't mind standing up for myself but also know that the job is all about relationships. At least he was nice in his final response...

From: Trainer
Sent: Tuesday, June 14, 2005 12:46 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE: Training Critique

I appreciated all your feedback. Sometimes we get too close to the forest to see the trees and need that third party to tell us what we are doing right or wrong.

Have a great day and thank you again.

I hope to never-ever-ever see the guy again. In over three years, I haven't. Good.