Seattle was shut down today. It snowed last night, making the roads icy, and forcing many a Seattle-ite to stay home instead of going about their usual business. Since I was out sick yesterday, I decided to brave the cold and bus it downtown to work. Being month-end, I felt this would be the best way to spend my day. Glo and I live four hilly blocks away from the bus stop on California Avenue. With our house smack dab in the middle of our block, we have the choice of two different hills to climb. One's less steep with a longer ascent, while the other is very steep with a shorter hike. I think the cold weather must have gotten to Glo's head 'cause she made a move for the steeper hill. "Ummm, hello? Scary." I quickly tackled her and exclaimed, "What are you doing? Are you MAD? Going that way is far too dangerous!" After snapping out of that delusion, I returned to reality and simply suggested, "Ummm... Glo? Maybe we should go the other way. You think?" She quickly agreed and we were off to conquer Mount Andover.
It took us some time to get up the hill but it was pretty uneventful, with only an occasional, "Whoa" and "Yikes" shooting from our mouths. We did see one car struggle to get up one of the hills, eventually giving up and reversing completely down the hill. The sidewalk itself was very slippery so we walked on the snow covered grass whenever possible. Once we were a block away from our destination, on level ground, I offered my arm in support to Glo. As chivalrous as that might sound, I did request that she let go of me if she felt the need to fall down. There’s no reason for both of us to injure ourselves in the event of an ugly wipeout.
The bus wasn't completely full when we got on but there was at least one person in almost every seat. The only two-seater offering was in the middle accordion section of the bus. We reluctantly sat down in what I consider to be the worst seats on the bus. Riding sideways? With no window? Not only do I get a bit nauseous in those seats, I also feel self-conscious since I’m forced to face in the direction of those sitting across or diagonally from me. Thankfully, the two people in front of us were reading books. I could look their direction without worrying they might think I was staring at them. I avoided looking diagonally to my right (to the back of the bus) because my eyes kept meeting those of the folks in those seats. Everything would be okay if I just looked straight ahead or to my left... so I thought.
At the last stop in West Seattle, the bus driver asked those standing in the aisle to move back in order to make room for more riders. Up until that point, there were a couple of guys immediately in front of me. One of them had a huge backup that could potentially crush me to death if the bus stopped suddenly, but I didn't care. After they moved further back, the two men were replaced by a tall, slender, attractive woman with a fit figure. This brunette was wearing some tight jeans, a short brown leather-ish jacket, and matching long boots. To my peripheral right, I could tell the two guys were checking her fanny out.
I refrained from looking up because her round booty was only a few inches from me. "Great..." I thought, "people are going to think I'm the biggest perv checking out her rump." I pulled out my law book to get some reading done and to avoid having to deal with her backside. But her buttocks were right there. Every time the bus made a turn, the corner of my book was close to stabbing her in the derriere. It's rather difficult to avoid a bum when it's right in your face. We've all been in a similar awkward situation with someone's rear bumper honking at us. In restaurants, you’ll see an occasional hiney of a waiter or waitress in someone's face. It doesn't matter whether they have a nice permanent vertical smile or not. An arse in the face makes for an awkward situation. I could tell she was occasionally looking back to make sure I wasn't gawking at her butt. But I felt like she was purposely putting her rear in my face so as to say, "Look at my ass. Isn't it the best behind you've seen? You have to admit, these are great buns." Thankfully, we arrived at the first downtown stop where Miss Gluteus Maximus took her can off the bus. That put an end to my rear end scenario.
I'm now home, after a six-hour work day. Unless it snows tonight, I'll still go to work tomorrow even if it's icy. But hopefully I won't END up in the line of fire of someone else’s tush...
